Birds ???

When my grandma was still alive and living with my mom she used to let the cats in and out. Now grandma couldn't see very well, and the cats must have figured this out, because they would bring in live 'toys' when mom was gone and only grandma was there. Grandma would call mom at least once a day to complain that a window was broke, because 'the birds and mice are getting in again'. Try as she might, mom could not convince grandma to leave the cats outside, or keep them inside, because they were bringing in the critters. Grandma knew better - it was a broken window or a hole in the attic. This went on all summer. Cats brought in their 'toys', grandma chased the critters about with a broom and called mom.

Late in the fall, when the kitties were refusing to go out on the grounds that it was too cold, or wet, or cloudy, the battery in the smoke detector in the bedroom hallway went bad. Grandma was napping at this moment,mom was outside raking leaves, and the kitties were trying to figure out how to circumvent mom's latest keep-the-kitties-out-of-the-clean-laundry-basket scheme. Grandma woke up and heard the CHEEP CHEEP of the smoke alarm warning the battery was bad - but she thought it was a bird, a BIG bird to make so much noise (she was still 1/2 asleep) and leapt up from her nap and in to the hall to rid the house of this latest intrusion. She didn't grab her glasses and couldn't see without them (or too good with them, either)so she hollered for mom, who was outside and didn't hear her right away. Grandma got a broom and, still hollering for mom, proceeded to "sweep" the walls and cieling of the hall, using wider and wilder strokes as the CHEEPing continued. The kitties thought this sounded more fun that fuzzing up the clean laundry, so they ran upstairs and were dancing about grandmas feet, causing her to thump into the walls now and then to avoid stepping on them.

So there was poor grandma, screaming 'BIRDS ! BIRDS ! DAMMIT JAN GET THE BIRDS OFF ME !' , dancing around with a broom and 4 or 5 cats in some odd waltz. Mom finally heard her and ran inside, expecting to find grandma pinned in the talons of a giant vulture or lying on the floor at the bottom of the stairs being nibbled to death by sparrows. But there were no birds, not even a bird, only grandma and the broom and the cats. Just as mom was getting grandma calmed down, the smoke detector CHEEPed again, and off grandma went. This time she managed to whack the detector off the ceiling, where upon all the cats in the area leapt upon it, expecting prey. Mom tried to grab grandma, but wasn't quick enough and grandma shooshed the cats away with the broom and stomped the smoke detector as hard as she could, then told my mom to fix that damned window or buy a new house, this was just too much, and went to find her glasses.

The kitties gained a healthy respect for grandma, as there wasn't even any blood left when she was done 'killing' the CHEEPer, mom learned to check the batteries in the smoke detector more often, and grandma never did figure out that 1. SHE was letting the critters inside, and 2. That "bird" was a smoke detector. Of course, the next summer mom had the same problem all over again, with the kitties bringing in birds and mice and chipmunks and giant bugs and grandma running all over chasing them out or calling mom to come take care of it. I think the kitties found grandma's running about as much fun as catching their toys was. I know they all miss her, or at least miss getting to bring their toys inside for her to play with.